zwolanerd

Last night my wife and I watched Rock of Ages, mostly because it was free. We liked it okay, but we’re aware it was the music that did the trick – the songs give the illusion that the movie is good. Maybe just see what songs were on the soundtrack and listen to the originals.

In fact, I’m going to save you some time and list my favorites right here. While I enjoyed some of the versions in the movie, this list is based on the originals. ‘S okay? ‘S all right.

13. “Paradise City” – The chorus is the only thing you remember and it’s the best part. The guitar solos are a bit too long and rambunctious for my tastes, actually.

12. “Can’t Fight This Feeling” – REO! REO! REO!  (now go back and read that like the Lost Boys were saying “Rufio!” in Hook)

11. “Waiting For A Girl Like You” – The first of three Foreigner songs on this list, and I had to look up who sang this one.  I oughtta be ashamed.

10. “I Want To Know What Love Is” – These two Foreigner songs are the ones you want sing with clenched fists outside your girlfriend’s window when she hasn’t spoken to you for two days and you’re distraught and emotional and man you just gotta win her back somehow and now you gotta SING

9. “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll” – Honesty time: I mostly like this one because of Weird Al’s ice cream version

8. “Here I Go Again” – The thing about most of the songs on this list is that I hated them when they were originally out. Like, you wouldn’t even believe. Especially Whitesnake, man. I don’t even know why. I was trapped in a car full of guys and they had a Whitesnake cassette and they just. kept. playing. it.  To torture me on purpose!  And now most of them probably hate Whitesnake and I’m thinking, “Huh, I should go out and buy that album.”

7. “Juke Box Hero” – This is the newest-to-me song on the list. I don’t really know how to explain that, but I only heard this song for the first time like a couple years ago. I know that seems preposterous, since it’s one of those “everywhere” songs, but that’s how it is. More likely is that I heard it earlier but never registered it.

6. “Rock You Like A Hurricane” – I don’t understand how they achieve that “backwards drum” sound in this song.  Any drummers care to explain it?  It’s like, there should be a hit and then the rolling type thing, but the rolling thing comes first and ends on the beat.  It confuses me and is awesome at the same time.

5. “We’re Not Gonna Take It” – The first music video I ever saw.  Can you imagine this being the first music video you ever saw? The kid turns into Dee Snider, man. Ain’t nobody escapes from that visual unscathed. But, hey, any anthem that includes the line “your gall is neverending” is a special kind of awesome.

4. “We Built This City” – Many reviews I read of The Muppets made special mention of how this song made them roll their eyes and they couldn’t believe it was included and yada yada yada. And I’m sitting there during the montage thinking “This is one of the greatest montages ever filmed.” So one of us is wrong, but it’s important to remember that many professional critics are jerks who hate smiling.

3. “Sister Christian” – A couple of years ago I had a bunch of friends over to do the Endless Setlist for Rock Band 3. I printed out a spreadsheet of the songs in the order we’d be playing them and told people they should sign up for particular songs they for sure wanted to play (or, in the case of “Low Rider” for me, songs I wanted to not only not play, but wanted to be out of the house for, UGH). As I was perusing who signed up for what and saw that someone had signed up to sing Sister Christian, someone I had invited to my house, to partake of my food, someone who obviously felt they somehow deserved the honor of singing this song right in front of me like I wasn’t even there, and I may have taken offense.  Also, their request was denied.  And I made them sing Low Rider as penance.

2. “I Wanna Rock” – This seems like the sort of song that should be available on Rock Band, but it isn’t and I don’t even know what’s right with the world anymore. Also, it’s weird to me that two Twisted Sister songs made it into the top five for me here. High school me is spinning in his grave.

Yes, somehow high school me is dead but I’m still around. That’s what rock music does to you, kids.

1. “Don’t Stop Believin'” – Somebody once pointed out to me that the chorus repeats the line “Streetlights, people” and I haven’t been able to shake how ridiculous that really is, but I still can’t help loving this song. Is there a more powerful power ballad? If it’s good enough to end The Sopranos on, it’s good enough for you, mister/missy.

I think it’s weird there were no Boston or Kiss songs in this thing.

Tags: Tuesday10

Written by: Mark